1. "So, Do you think you will ever get a real job?"

 

Wait, are we in The Matrix? I thought this was a real job. Has this been Monopoly money the whole time? Hold on, I have to call my landlord.

 

2. "A girl like you probably has no problem finding a boyfriend."

 

Yeah, I just wear this outfit to my local bar and sit on everyone’s lap there until one wants to lock it down. Because every guy out there is totally comfortable with his girlfriend doing this kind of work since romantic and sexual jealousy were abolished in 1997.

 

3. "I'm not like other guys who come to these places"

 

This is the best and fastest way to let me know you’re not like most guys that come in, you are much much worse. If you never come to these places, you don’t actually know what the guys who come to them are like. Hint: they’re largely normal dudes who like boobs and sex. Wait, do you not like boobs and sex?

 

4. "I get why you do this, it's hard to turn down easy money"

Working overnight in 5-inch heels and pretending to like everyone I meet is a lot of things. “Easy” isn’t one of them.

 

5. "If you don't like it, why don't you just get another job?"

 

Oh right, because jobs are just super-easy to come by for everyone. You want your dream one? Just sign up! Do you tell everyone who complains about their job to just quit or only women who are making money off of their intimate labor?

 

6. "I don't want sex, I just want to get to know you better."

 

Everything I’ll say will have to be made up. If you’re down, I’m down.

 

7. "I can really see myself settling down with a girl like you."

 

Cool, my favorite things are taking pictures of my cat and putting them on Instagram while wearing my pajamas and eating cereal. That’s what you’re seeing, right? Right?

 

8. "I swear, I'm not married"

 

This doesn’t make me want to go home with you any more than I did before you said so.

 

9. "So, how much money do you make here of a night?"

 

That depends on how long people monopolize my time asking questions about my income instead of contributing to it.

 

10. "So what's your real name?"

 

Sweetheart, me using a fake name is not about it being sexy or titillating or a way of getting you to guess it flirtatiously. It is a way of protecting my anonymity in a job where there are people who actively seek out women's names so they can harass them. It is because prostitutes are quite literally killed because people think that no one will miss them. So please, I implore you, I beg you to stop bothering women for their real names and just let them do their jobs. They’re just trying to do their jobs like everyone else, making it harder isn’t illegal but also makes you a dick.