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I think I am meant to have more shame than I do....


Melanie of Sydney

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I can't really quite remember why I used to hide much when I first started working. I dont know if it was insecurity or just that was the norm. I remember being funny about pictures and video to a degree - not like none but must have control to keep it definitely private etc.

But I have found that in my resurge I just don't give a f**k nearly as much.

I am more ok to be me, the more carefully seleced angles look and also the less carefully. Perhaps it is age I don't really know.

I was more coy about my kinks and what antics I was happy to jump into with others as well. Now I'm like whatever if people don't like it they can ignore, scroll past or use their neck and look the other way.

I think I am meant to feel some urge to have some more privacy, or to hide the non-standard things. But I can't really figure out why?

 

Maybe part of it is I like digging about in other peoples heads. I want to know what weird specific things they really like. If I am not open with people then they wont be open with me - so maybe it is just the cost of entry into the secret world in peoples heads.

 

Dunno i anyone reads blogs here - but if you are here - why do you hide stuff about yourself?

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I suppose the urge for privacy or discretion comes down to the other connections in your life and how they might respond to finding about your sex life or interests.  
 

Just like we all probably have different friendship groups or social circles that we keep separate because they wouldn’t necessarily mix well, the same applies to this dimension of our lives for a lot of us.  I suspect a lot of PP members are (relatively) open here because it can be both anonymous and disconnected from the rest of our lives.

 

As we get older and mature we generally care a lot less about what casual acquaintance or strangers think about us (and we become a lot less judgemental about what other peoples needs and desires are) but we still have a lot of personal connections that might not see or appreciate all sides of us that we have to balance, so we end up being discreet or guarded by default.

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Reallyjustsomeguy

Posted

I have known WLs who were very open because they just don't want anyone in their life who has a problem with their career choice, and the logic made sense to me because work is a big part of life and having to hide it is therefore tough.

 

Punting is generally a smaller part of a punter's life, even for quite prolific punters, so there's perhaps less incentive to be open about it for most. A secret hobby compared to a secret job, basically. 

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I’m not sure if we hide things, or just don’t reveal them. For me, it depends on my acquaintances and friends. Sometimes, it’s preferable not to engage openly if I believe a particular person has fixed views that are different to mine. I don’t think it means I’m hiding things though. 

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Reallyjustsomeguy

Posted

18 minutes ago, PlayDohBalls said:

I’m not sure if we hide things, or just don’t reveal them. 

Definitely a lawyer in real life. 

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17 hours ago, Reallyjustsomeguy said:

I have known WLs who were very open because they just don't want anyone in their life who has a problem with their career choice, and the logic made sense to me because work is a big part of life and having to hide it is therefore tough.

 

Punting is generally a smaller part of a punter's life, even for quite prolific punters, so there's perhaps less incentive to be open about it for most. A secret hobby compared to a secret job, basically. 

 

It is very difficult for Asian WL because they are considered to be doing something disgraceful. A regular was telling me that she went out for dinner with her English language class. I asked if my assumption was correct that they were all women and not clear about how they were financing their studies.

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I just don't give a f**k nearly as much

I think it just comes with age

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"I think I am meant to have more shame than I do...." @Melanie of Sydney that title really captures some emotions that I have been feeling over the last couple of years.

Society has conditioned us so much. 

 

But after doing this for a while, I have met some genuinely lovely people, easygoing, open-minded, kind, generous and non-judgemental. And had so much fun and good sex beyond my wildest dreams. 

 

Never ever thought I would be a middle aged man paying for sex with women half my age. Never ever. Hey, look what I became. But ironically, I am actually fine with myself doing that. Who would of thought.

 

I was in my late 40's when I opened Pandora's box and went down this rabbit hole. Can't ever imagine returning to normal society conditioned life again 😂

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Melanie of Sydney

Posted

@4099 Yeh i think you are onto something about the conditioning. Like we are expected to feel bad for being anything outside the norm.

I think we get all sorts of ideas as to what deviancy is - but really if everyone is consenting and no one is being hurt in a way they dont enjoy - then why not.

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1 hour ago, Melanie of Sydney said:

@4099 Yeh i think you are onto something about the conditioning. Like we are expected to feel bad for being anything outside the norm.

I think we get all sorts of ideas as to what deviancy is - but really if everyone is consenting and no one is being hurt in a way they dont enjoy - then why not.

 

My view on most things is that I treat people the way that I would expect to be treated. 

 

When I see a WL there are things I want to do, and I make sure that is available, so I can spend some time where I don't try to push the WL boundaries, and I generally find that both the WL and me are happy about seeing each other. It means that I'm not ashamed about what I do. What I don't want is for people that I know to have an impression of me that I am not a nice person because I've payed for sex.

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@Melanie of Sydney  said, “why do you hide stuff about yourself?”

I always say that it’s too much like hard work to put on masks just because you are afraid someone won’t accept you for who you are. As we age many people become less concerned with what others say or think and being more concerned with being true to themselves. Sadly some people never reach that level of maturity.

I have always prided myself on being the same person in every situation. I see the good in nearly everyone, I am always smiling, happy and upbeat. I don’t use alcohol or drugs because I don’t need to change who I am. 

On PP I am a square peg in a round hole, I have made a little pocket money for nearly 2 decades giving pleasure to women, I enjoy giving pleasure and I only ever have sex with women that want to have sex with me and for that reason never pay for sex. I agree with you in that the most intense sex occurs when you “get inside the head” of a client or lover and understand their particular sexual triggers, fantasies and preferences.

I think I am like many people in the sex industry that don’t want to fully disclose all aspects of my sexual adventures to immediate family and to employers in mainstream society.

I find it interesting how many men on PP are offended by the fact that I make some money giving pleasure to women. I am friends with a number of women that work or have worked in the industry and my advice is always to know your own boundaries, be true to yourself and to minimise risks of disease, manipulation and assault. Maintaining those things that are just for you is always more important than money or than sacrificing your dignity.

In life you will find many people won’t like what you write or publish if you are outside their “small minded” view of the world and will be unable to scroll past your words without making some sort of derogatory comment. This says more about their limited view of the world and from experience it is pointless to try to use logic to argue with them.

Thank you for your interesting post and perspective. Wishing you happiness and success.

 

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On 27/09/2023 at 8:05 PM, Arsassin said:

be true to yourself and to minimise risks of disease,

Melanie I have a saying 'Who cares what anyone thinks they don't pay my rent!"  I date 19-35 yr olds and I am in my 60s.  I do get some stares at time not too often but I couldn't care less!!  I do what I do and it is no one's business unless someone is being hurt etc.  I have no idea why men would care how you make money least of all seeing women.  In fact, if you offered a service of 'come and watch' I bet you would get many takers.  especially if you offered the balance of time in a BJ.  I mean I would come ha ha ha  

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dictionary dan

Posted

If you really want someone to blame, blame Queen Victoria. She repressed the sexuality of the British and they took that all over the world (including here).

 

That's where the whole "Sex is not something we talk about" thing started. Close your eyes and think of England, right?

 

I admire you Melanie. You're taking back control of your own narrative.

 

For lots of us that's very difficult because of the fear of judgement of family, friends, etc. The perception is... if we're honest we could lose everything. 

 

You can argue that anyone who judges wasn't a real friend, which is 100% true. But the fear is real.

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Spot on. Sex is fun and free. And The Man doesn't want you to be fun or free. They want you to struggle and feel captive so you are easier to control. 

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