Private Escort -December 2012 - Christine McQueen & Cristal Hotbabe

[La Cucaracha]

Service Provider's Name: Cristal-Hotbabe

Type of Service: Private Escort

Phone Number (Please add area code): 0488 181 808

Service Provider's Email (if any): [email protected]

Link to Website or Online Ad (if any): www.cristaldownunder.com

SWA Number if known (Victoria only): 6861XE

Photos Authenticity: 100% Real

Advertised Hourly Rate (Pick closest): $350

Estimated Age: 26 - 30

Estimated Ethnic Group: Caucasian / European Origin

Nationality (Leave blank if Australian): United Kingdom (England)

Knowledge of English: Very Good

Hair Colour: Blond

Hair Length: Long

Eyes Colour: Blue

Skin Colour: Tanned

Height: Short - Under 160 cm / 5'3"

Body Shape: Athletic

Estimated Body Size: 6 to 8

Estimated Breast Size: DD and above (Extra Large)

Enhanced breasts?: Yes

Pubic Hair: All Waxed / Shaved

Any Tattoos?: One or two

Any Piercings?: One or two

Full Sex Available: Yes

Kind of Experience: Pornstar Experience

Kissing Available: Yes, DFK (Deep French Kissing)

Blowjob: Yes

DATY / Oral On Her: Yes

Greek or Anal Sex Available: Yes

Handjob Available: Yes

Doubles and Group Sex: Group sex

Overall Looks: Beautiful

Overall Personality: Outgoing

Overall Performance: Out of this world!

 

 

Post # 5000

 

Background

Back in August, during the lead-up to the PP 2nd Birthday drinks, I had lined up what I thought was the perfect symmetry of 2’s - it was my 2nd year of PP membership, it was the 2nd time I was accorded the privilege of a CMQ booking, I had managed to somehow line up a double with CMQ and Cristal for the afternoon prior to the drinks, and I was going to meet the other punter who also had a pre-drinks double - Clandestine, and his duo of trouble, Mia Monroe and Sasha Fox. There were 2’s everywhere. In fact, if someone turned up in a tutu, it wouldn’t have surprised me! Alas, plans all went to hell in a hand basket when circumstances conspired to prevent Cristal joining us and Christine being impeded by traffic. At the time that I got the news, I was devastated and the familiar John McEnroe rant of “You Can’t Be Serious!” echoed in my head. I feared that I would be destined to never experience a double, unlike my more prolific brethren namely Brok-her and Clandestine who seemed to have harems behind every pantry door they open!

 

Then my personal circumstances fast-tracked my retirement from punting, and again I heard that familiar rant ... “You Can’t Be Serious!” Anyway, I decided that my last punt would have to be the double that I missed out on. The symbolism was just too obvious to ignore. On the one hand, there was Christine - “Her Majesty” herself, the top of the tree, the one lady who has conquered heights that so many others in the industry aspire to reach, but at the same time has withstood the cauldron of invasive public media scrutiny and demonstrated grace under fire in more ways than one, in the process proving she has earned the right to be called “the Queen”. On the other hand, someone with no illusions about her modus operandi, no delusions of grandeur, one totally comfortable with the depths of depravity that she descends to, who openly acknowledges the fact that she is a gutter-mouthed, trashy whore ... the one, the only Cristal Hotbabe. The 2 extremes of the private escorting game defining the bookends of my experiences, framing the polar opposites of my indulgences, clearly marking out the heights and depths of my experiences in individual terms, and thereby including all of my other experiences within those 2 extremes. If ever there were a fitting way to exit, this would be the most appropriate final curtain.

 

The lead-up

Seizing on the opportunity of a year-end tour by Christine, I decided to book a session with her. The full VIP package - hey, if I’m going out, I’m doing it in style. Permission was sought for visual capture, both still and video. Once that was locked in, arrangements with Cristal ensued. Would she be interes ..... FUCK YEAH !!!!!! Ok, I suppose the answer was yes.

 

The day itself

I honestly cannot recall what happened that morning. I know that I got to work early, I know that by 11am, I’d done everything I needed to for the day. I know that I sat the rest of the afternoon in pseudo-catatonic state in a couple of meetings because I was waiting for the clock to reach the time when I could leave, check into the hotel and get the show on the road. That time finally arrived, and I moved so quickly getting out of work that Usain Bolt was never a chance to catch me. After checking in and confirming the room with Christine, I was told that Her Majesty was slightly delayed, and I was perfectly fine with that - allowing myself more time to calm my nerves, compose myself and catch my breath. I may have moved faster than Usain, but I definitely didn’t have his aerobic capacity!

 

Sometime in the next 30 - 45 minutes, both Christine and Cristal arrived. Christine looked resplendent in her summer dress that showed off her enviable rack, and Cristal towing not only her suitcase, but a Zimmer frame and a backpack as well. The mind boggled as to what she was up to with all that paraphernalia. I was particularly concerned that the Zimmer frame was for me after the festivities come to an end! “You Can’t Be Serious!”

 

As the girls started to get themselves ready, Cristal opened up her suitcase and started to pull toys out, and as we were deciding which toys would make a visual impact, Christine expressed real concern that we had names for these “things”. Cristal and I chuckled - I’d played some part in naming a majority of these toys!

 

Showtime

Having set up the video camera on a tripod and allowing me the freedom to roam with my camera, the girls started to play on the bed. The usual tame girl-on-girl stuff started. Then it started to heat up. There were a few moments when Christine was busy working her magic on Cristal with her own butt sticking up in the air. The temptation was simply too great, and I simply had to dive in there for a taste. Christine tasted magnificent as usual and I could very well have stayed there with my lips locked onto her pleasure nexus. But I was reminded of photographic duties and started to hover, aim, focus, click, flash, shoot, etc.

 

As the play got raunchier, Cristal asked if it was okay to squirt and once Christine said okay, she proceeded to send a stream of liquid up into the air which Christine caught with her face, mouth, chest, etc. I’ve never been a fan of water sports but this was hot. The hottest woman I know catching a face full of liquid and actually not shying away from it! Wow!

 

Next, there was some sort of fingering going on. Well, it looked like it was fingering. But knowing Cristal, the ante was rapidly raised until Christine had her whole fist up that little love box of hers. Even Christine was amazed at the whole sensation of it all. I was just snapping away with the camera, adjusting the video, mostly lost for words, totally awestruck. “You Can’t Be Serious!”

 

“Donald”, the metal speculum (because it looked like a duck), was introduced next. Cristal stretch some orifices in ways I’d never quite imagined. I’m sure gynecologists would deem this humdrum, but for me, it was like “oh great, now that you’ve stretched that one like that, exactly what sensation do you think the Little General is going to give you?” .... I had no chance! “You Can’t Be Serious!”

 

Those of you who have had the intestinal fortitude to attempt a Cristal booking would know that she enjoys a Carlsberg, and failing which she will settle for a Stella. Well, we had Carlsberg. Little did I know that she had one gulp of it, but the rest went in her front-bottom! The look of incredulity on Christine’s face as she was instructed to keep pouring it all in was priceless. My face must have seemed exactly like one of those deer in headlights WTF looks. Then the empty stubby was shoved in there as well ... and no matter how many times I see that, I will still never get used to it. And I’m sure we’d traumatised Christine no end with that one. “You Can’t Be Serious!”

 

Having now heard McEnroe scream “You Can’t Be Serious!” in my head so many times, the variations that happened thereafter were just mind-boggling. At some point, I found myself on my back on the bed, with a double-BBBJ from these 2 women. There are no words to describe that. None. Well, maybe the word “Nirvana” might be applicable. Next, I felt a cover go on, and the blonde, petite, bouncy one hopped on and proceeded to try and grind the living daylights out of me. A mortar and pestle couldn’t have done a better pound and grind! All the while, I’m enjoying the delectable succulent juices trickling out of Christine as I continued to lap at her pleasure nexus.

 

More variations in positions between these two and I found myself back to the start with the double-BBBJ teasing and taunting me, and with sensory overload at its zenith, I eventually lost all control that I’d been desperately hanging on to and exploded with both of them hungrily hovering over the Little General. OMFG. And then, there was the “You Can’t Be Serious!” echoing in my head again. Only thing is, yes, it was serious, I did just experience that, and at this point, even “Nirvana” is a lame under-statement.

 

Aftermath

The bed was soaked, the covers wetter still and strewn in a corner, both girls had to clean up, and I was left wandering around looking for my clothes and shit, but totally speechless. Those who know me can vouch for my verbal diarrhea, so having me speechless actually says a lot. Actually, I was muttering to myself internally “You Can’t Be Serious!”

 

When I eventually bade Christine farewell, I couldn’t help but thank my lucky stars that the hottest woman I know just literally fucked my brains out and had her own boundaries expanded with Cristal. And when I bade Cristal farewell, I had one primary thought on my mind ... take that fucking Zimmer frame of yours back, I can still walk ... just ... I’m serious!

 

And so, my punting career draws the final curtain. But my, what a grand finale it was. With the 2 extremes of the spectrum. Together. At once. Caught on film. And suddenly, Duran Duran sparks up in my head ... Girls on Film! I’m humming away to that tune, and as the last of the camera equipment is packed away (photos to be added later - currently undergoing “finishing” by the girls’ support teams) ... just one more time like a typical Grand Slam match ... “You Can’t Be Serious!”

 

This has been another La Cucaracha production © MMXII

[hustler83]

sounds awesome mate...share pics?

[La Cucaracha]

Errr ... did you not read the last part of that review where I mentioned that they will be added later because the girls' support teams are handling the pics at the moment to apply whatever privacy protocol they need to?

[Chopit]

wow, this sounds awesome!! I have met christine a few times, she is amazing i would love to organise a similar thing as i have seen cristals page now.. you did well to organise that when cristal was just here hey

 

just out of curiosity I dont reckon you got much change from $2000 for that particular shindig? would that be about right?

[Hilksha]

Can't wait to see the photos. Outstanding review.

[Henry1]

Who was the "Absolute Goddess"?

Why isn't there a Thanks, but No Thanks button on here?

[Brok-her]

Ahem, pardon me----you all did what??

What a great reviw young man, I only wish I could manage to do something as spectacular some time.

Congratulations to both lovely ladies for ruining another hotel room.

[raider]

What an extraordinary set of memories to finish off with! Not only that but you will have the hard copies for later just to help refresh them. Thanks for sharing LC

[Andy.Ma]

What an absolutely fantastic experience LC!

 

Great punt indeed!

 

Thanks for sharing LC.

 

Can’t wait to see the pics.

[Terius]

What an awesome review LC, and a great way to end your punting career! Looking forward to seeing the photos.

[Tall Paul]

Point of order Mr LC, the McInroe quote is missing the second part which was where the exclamation mark came in.

 

Nice review of a bizarre pairing, not sure I'm envious but more puzzled than anything.

[Thomas Crapper]

An awesome way to go out LC. The curtain may be drawn but have the house lights come on?...always a chance for an encore...

[Daniel789]

You Can’t Be Serious!

 

Fuck me, you are serious. Congratulations on your 5000th post.

Imagine the stories you'll be telling in the home cocky.

[gnomking]

“You Can’t Be Serious!”

 

No wonder you retired

Apart from working the camera's you did Fuck all !!

 

Thanks La Cucaracha

[Mr Maverick]

Wow LC what a way to finish .... Unforgettable pairing & fun.....are you really finished though LC

Mav

[Happyboy2012]

Great review mate.

[L C A]

Nice review of a bizarre pairing, not sure I'm envious but more puzzled than anything.

+1

[ujonamis]

Those of you who have had the intestinal fortitude to attempt a Cristal booking would know that she enjoys a Carlsberg, and failing which she will settle for a Stella. Well, we had Carlsberg. Little did I know that she had one gulp of it, but the rest went in her front-bottom! The look of incredulity on Christine’s face as she was instructed to keep pouring it all in was priceless. My face must have seemed exactly like one of those deer in headlights WTF looks. Then the empty stubby was shoved in there as well ... and no matter how many times I see that, I will still never get used to it. And I’m sure we’d traumatised Christine no end with that one. “You Can’t Be Serious!”

 

So, I read this bit and the beer was all poured in and the stubby went in after it, did it end up coming back out? who drank it? Or is that why she out drinks us all, cause she can drink two ways versus our one?

[La Cucaracha]

did it end up coming back out?

Sure did, that's why the bed was wet.

 

who drank it?

No one actually, it just flooded the end of the bed.

 

Or is that why she out drinks us all, cause she can drink two ways versus our one?

Your guess is as good as mine!

[Risky Biz]

great reveiw!!

[La Cucaracha]

just out of curiosity I dont reckon you got much change from $2000 for that particular shindig? would that be about right?

Change? What change?

 

Congratulations to both lovely ladies for ruining another hotel room.

I doubt Christine ever intends to ruin a hotel room. I suspect Cristal has a side business - hotel refreshing and refurbishment. She goes around destroying the rooms so that the crew from the other business gets called to come re-paint the walls, re-carpet the place, etc.

 

are you really finished though LC

Based on what I can project right now. But you never say never. If an extraordinary lady or circumstance were to happen my way, and if it's a compelling enough situation, I'd find a way. But for now, I can't see that happening.

[Clandestine]

take that fucking Zimmer frame of yours back, I can still walk

I gave it to her especially for you Cocky, (knew you might need it) so glad it had the desired effect on you for your last (cough, choke, ROFLMAO, Bullshit, Bullshit) punt. :lol:

 

Don't need to see the Video either...can bear to watch, shakey, out of focus video with a breath steamed lens that pans around a room with some operator more intent on the subjects rather than paying attention to the true artistic and aesthetic nature of the filming.

 

AND....

with a double-BBBJ from these 2 women

on your 5000th post too...."You can't be fucking Serious"....

[Hewhocannotbenamed]

Awesome review LC. Are you going to upload the video on redtube?

[toorak]

An amazing review of an amazing experience. What more can I say. Well done mate. Thanks for sharing.

[novpl]

In the immortal words of leslie nielson in the original flying high ... "I'm serious and don't call me Shirley!"